Riverdale S3.09 — Personal gargoyles
Spoilers below for Riverdale S3.09 — No Exit
Riverdale is back and so am I!
The town is no longer under quarantine but it might as well be because Hiram Lodge owns everything. There is no longer a sheriff and I think it’s safe to say that he is running the mayor’s office as well.
The Sisters are in jail awaiting trial for the abuse of the children, though it’s unsure who is actually keeping them there since Hiram is in charge of everything. Betty & Attorney McCoy are trying to get them to tell the truth when they take a vow of silence. After they find out that the Sisters of Quiet Mercy were denounced by the Catholic church years ago for, well, abusing children, Sister Woodhouse agrees to take the stand.
Obviously that doesn’t happen. An anonymous donor posts their bail (why didn’t Hiram do this earlier?) and they go straight back to their asylum to commit suicide in front of the Gargoyle King statue. Classic.
Meanwhile, all of the escaped kids (why does Betty keep referring to them as children/kids, when they are likely her age) are staying with the Coopers and it is obviously taking a toll on Betty & her mom. For some reason, they are still wearing their outfits from the asylum. Do they do laundry everyday??
Polly & Evelyn attempt to convince the kids to come to The Farm after Betty finds Fizzle Rocks that one of them bought from Fangs, the Serpent. He also saw the Gargoyle King in the woods surrounded by the Gargoyle gang. When Betty leaves to ask the Blossoms, Fred Andrews, and Attorney McCoy if they could take some of the kids, she returns to an empty house because Edgar took them all to The Farm. Not good. But, maybe it means we’ll finally get to see The Farm soon.
Meanwhile, Jughead is back in charge of the Serpents after his month-long escapade with Archie. They are not that happy to have him return to power, but if there’s one thing we know about Serpents, they respect the monarchy. He banishes Fangs, Cheryl, and Titi in one fell swoop for dealing and stealing (respectfully). But, then he gives Fangs a secret assignment to join the Gargoyle gang undercover.
At the same time, La Bonne Nuit is hopping. I didn’t remember this, but I guess they got their liquor license and now everyone’s there. Unfortunately, the Gargoyle gang keeps attacking Reggie on his beer runs. Basically, it will keep happening until Veronica pays Hiram for protection. Lol like that will work out.
Veronica decides to cook her books, which is so beyond stupid. Obviously the club is doing well and Hirma has eyes and ears everywhere so there’s no chance he’ll believe her. He doesn’t and sends his goonies to try to attack Josie, Veronica’s prized possession. She enlists the Serpents to protect her instead.
Also, Veronica & Reggie make out! Finally!
This leaves us with the main storyline in the episode — Archie. Sequestered in a cabin in Canada, his only contact is via radio and with his trusty pup Vegas. He hears from the ranger that there have been bear sightings so you’d think when he comes upon giant footsteps, he would be more careful. But no, he somehow manages not to hear a grizzly bear, which surprises him from behind and attacks.
GRIZZLY BEARS CAN WEIGH ON AVERAGE 600 LBS. How can Archie literally be so dumb? And how does he always get hurt? Holy moly.
He makes it back to his cabin and falls unconscious on his bed. He wakes to a spirited (get it?) game of G&G in his cabin. But who’s playing? It’s Cassidy from Shadow Lake and the rest of the boys. He pulls a card and his quest is to fight the Black Hood. He returns to Pop’s and takes him out before he can shoot his dad.
Next, he finds the Warden. He pulls a card and it says “Kill the Gargoyle King.” Upon second glance it says, “Kill the Man in Black.” Ok — so they’re the same person and who is that person? Of course, it’s Hiram Lodge. He finds himself in Hiram’s office where he stabs his girlfriend’s dad. Pretty easily, actually.
Back in the cabin, he finds a stoic Betty, Veronica, and Jug. Betty is wearing a particularly season 1 Betty dress and asks if Archie has written any music lately. Obviously, he has not, since he’s been more into the revenge than rock & roll. Clearly, he doesn’t remember his season 1 arc was whether he should play football or music.
They give him his final mission and Archie finds himself in his own bedroom, hovering over a sleeping version of himself. He has a baseball bat and he needs to kill the weak, stupid part of himself. Well buddy, the whole of you is stupid, so it looks like this is a suicide mission.
And they’re leaving us to believe it is! Rangers arrive in his cabin and it looks like he’s non-responsive, but I’m sure he’ll wake up in the last second and return to Riverdale to save the town from Hiram.
Originally published at lizziekreitman.wordpress.com on January 23, 2019.